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How to Have an Honest Conversation With Your Child About Self-Esteem

How To Have An Honest Conversation With Your Child About Self-Esteem

We've all heard it from a hundred different parenting blogs, books, speeches, and sermons: You have to raise your child to have high self-esteem. But how can you have a conversation with your child to help him or her develop self-esteem, even when it's hard to tell which one of you is the one who has it all wrong?

One answer is to see your child's difficulties as a gift, and help him to work through them. As he makes progress, you can celebrate his victories and gently reassure him he's doing it right.

John Gottman, PhD, a human behavior researcher at the University of Washington, talks about how to talk to a child about his or her self-esteem.

1. Talk to your child about love.

"It's a very good place to start," says Gottman. Love is the most important thing in the world, he says. Without it, nothing else matters. If your child thinks about his or her self-esteem from this perspective, he or she will be well on his or her way to being able to develop high self-esteem.

2. Talk about feelings and experiences.

Talk about emotions like worry, joy, sadness, anger, and fear, says Gottman. "There are lots of books about this," he says, "but I'm not aware of any particular one that's right for this particular message."

Ask how your child is feeling. Tell him or her that, no matter how he or she feels, you love him or her. Say things like, "I love you when you're sad," or "I love you when you 0b46394aab